Loading the dishwasher....

Has anyone ever wondered if doing the dishes could be fun?  I certainly have.  Believe it or not, I've actually had some good times doing the dishes!  Do I need to mention that Ambien was involved…..?

I had a pretty cliche childhood.  Small town.  Small house.  Two sisters and a brother.  Pretty typical middle class.  We didn't have all of the luxuries life affords, but we had enough.  Probably a lot like many of you? 

There was one thing my parents forced upon us as a child - work ethic.  Man it sucked at the time :-).  I’ll never know why, but my parents chose the dishes as my personal/nightly form of punishment teaching.  And I’m not talking about loading the dish washer.  Once a week my wife and I “suggest” that my oldest child put the dishes in the dishwasher.  We are evil inflictors of pain and torture….(in her eyes).  It’s a dishwasher!!!  IT DOES THE WORK FOR YOU!!!!!  Anyways, my version of doing the dishes was fill the sink up with soap and water, soak the dishes, scrub the dishes,  rinse the dishes, dry the dishes, and put them away.  I’m pretty sure I’d be arrested for child abuse if I asked my kids to do that much work.  I HATED doing the dishes.  And my Dad was convinced that if I was forced them to do them long enough that eventually I would learn the value of work.  He was right, but it took me years to realize what I had…sometimes I think that if I had pretended to enjoy doing the dishes for a week that he would have given up “torturing” me.  But I wasn’t that smart :-).  Or maybe I was hard headed.  Whatever.  I eventually learned to work and I've found that it is the secret to success in life.

So on to the present (or at least the more recent present).  After taking Ambien for a while you start to take it for granted.  There’s been many times that I’ve taken the pill, forgotten, and started in on tasks which would require an otherwise sound mind.  So maybe I don’t qualify in the first place…anyway, there have been plenty of those times.  We’ll get to them all eventually.  One particular night I apparently decided to do the dishes (and by “do the dishes” I mean I started to load the dishwasher) shortly after taking an Ambien.  I don’t recall actually loading most of the dishwasher, but I do recall attempting to load some plates as I slipped into a trance.  The dishes were funny and the fact that I could barely stand was hilarious!  I remember trying to concentrate as I went cross-eyed and shoved more dishes in.  I don’t know how long I stood there or what I thought I was doing, but my wife was “pleasantly” surprised when she called me at work the next morning.  The conversation went something like this:

Wife – Hi.
Me – Hi
Wife – So, what were you doing last night?
Me – I’m not sure.  What was I doing last night?
Wife – I’m not really sure either, but someone or something shoved all of the dishes into the dishwasher and turned it on.  From the looks of it, it was someone playing a bad joke on us.  There’s soap everywhere. 
Me – Interesting.  An elf must have come.  Or maybe a hobbit.
Wife – Probably not.
Me – Are the dishes clean?
Wife – Not even close.  Don’t do the dishes anymore.
Me – (What instantly ran through my head). “Seriously?  Did you just give me that gift?  No more dishes forever?  I’ll have to remember this technique next time I’m asked to change a diaper”
Me – (What I actually said).  Ok (smiling).

Send me your stories!

I'd love to share some of your stories as well!  Send them to me and I'll post them (at least the appropriate parts....this isn't an R rated blog :-).

Ambien - the first night.....

The most difficult part about relaying my various Ambien adventures is recalling the details.  If you've ever taken Ambien you'll understand that Ambien puts you in in a pretty "stupid" state to say the least.  Within about 15 minutes you could be run over by a bus, fall off of a ten story building, wrestle with an alligator, or do any number of stupid things without waking up.  You're asleep, but also awake enough to manage to go to a convenience store, buy a coke, and go back home (I'll relay the details another time.....). Fortunately for me, my wife finds my actions pretty funny and she is glad to tell me about the ingenious things I've said or done (usually to my embarrassment) the next day.

I'll never forget the first time I popped an Ambien and soon felt the wave of sleep hit me like and ocean hurricane with gale force winds.  Everything was really, really funny (especially me).  I found that I could still talk, but my entire body was asleep.  "This is great" I thought - I can sleep and function at the same time!  The next 10 minutes (and the rest of the night) are a blur, but in my newly found state of functioning, I managed to become a tree.....  According to my wife, I had my hands stretched stretched straight out to my sides while I bent slightly at the hip.  As the wind blew, my branches (arms) and trunk (body) swayed in the wind.  I must have finally gone to sleep because I woke up 8 hours later with only a vague memory of looking where my hands should have been and seeing small branches and leaves!  It was a fun first adventure (at least for my wife).  In retrospect, I guess I'm glad that no birds decided to land on my branches and leave "deposits".  Although I'm not sure what that would have translated into in real life......

Oh Ambien, how well I sleep when I've taken you.  But how completely stupid you make me :-). 

Ambien the great and terrible

Can I say that ambien is a great and terrible thing?  For anyone who's taken ambien, they know exactly what I'm talking about!  My adventures in ambien started several years ago when I was having a hard sleeping after a night shift and what a ride it's been!  Ambien was originally used to hypnotize people, but some big drug company realized it could make more money selling it as a sleeping pill, so bam, ambien has been helping people sleep (and perform other amazing feats of stupor) every since.  I've had some interesting adventures over the last few years, so follow my blog, check back regularly, and I'll share some of my more "proud" moments :-).