Loading the dishwasher....

Has anyone ever wondered if doing the dishes could be fun?  I certainly have.  Believe it or not, I've actually had some good times doing the dishes!  Do I need to mention that Ambien was involved…..?

I had a pretty cliche childhood.  Small town.  Small house.  Two sisters and a brother.  Pretty typical middle class.  We didn't have all of the luxuries life affords, but we had enough.  Probably a lot like many of you? 

There was one thing my parents forced upon us as a child - work ethic.  Man it sucked at the time :-).  I’ll never know why, but my parents chose the dishes as my personal/nightly form of punishment teaching.  And I’m not talking about loading the dish washer.  Once a week my wife and I “suggest” that my oldest child put the dishes in the dishwasher.  We are evil inflictors of pain and torture….(in her eyes).  It’s a dishwasher!!!  IT DOES THE WORK FOR YOU!!!!!  Anyways, my version of doing the dishes was fill the sink up with soap and water, soak the dishes, scrub the dishes,  rinse the dishes, dry the dishes, and put them away.  I’m pretty sure I’d be arrested for child abuse if I asked my kids to do that much work.  I HATED doing the dishes.  And my Dad was convinced that if I was forced them to do them long enough that eventually I would learn the value of work.  He was right, but it took me years to realize what I had…sometimes I think that if I had pretended to enjoy doing the dishes for a week that he would have given up “torturing” me.  But I wasn’t that smart :-).  Or maybe I was hard headed.  Whatever.  I eventually learned to work and I've found that it is the secret to success in life.

So on to the present (or at least the more recent present).  After taking Ambien for a while you start to take it for granted.  There’s been many times that I’ve taken the pill, forgotten, and started in on tasks which would require an otherwise sound mind.  So maybe I don’t qualify in the first place…anyway, there have been plenty of those times.  We’ll get to them all eventually.  One particular night I apparently decided to do the dishes (and by “do the dishes” I mean I started to load the dishwasher) shortly after taking an Ambien.  I don’t recall actually loading most of the dishwasher, but I do recall attempting to load some plates as I slipped into a trance.  The dishes were funny and the fact that I could barely stand was hilarious!  I remember trying to concentrate as I went cross-eyed and shoved more dishes in.  I don’t know how long I stood there or what I thought I was doing, but my wife was “pleasantly” surprised when she called me at work the next morning.  The conversation went something like this:

Wife – Hi.
Me – Hi
Wife – So, what were you doing last night?
Me – I’m not sure.  What was I doing last night?
Wife – I’m not really sure either, but someone or something shoved all of the dishes into the dishwasher and turned it on.  From the looks of it, it was someone playing a bad joke on us.  There’s soap everywhere. 
Me – Interesting.  An elf must have come.  Or maybe a hobbit.
Wife – Probably not.
Me – Are the dishes clean?
Wife – Not even close.  Don’t do the dishes anymore.
Me – (What instantly ran through my head). “Seriously?  Did you just give me that gift?  No more dishes forever?  I’ll have to remember this technique next time I’m asked to change a diaper”
Me – (What I actually said).  Ok (smiling).